(Pants - Miu Miu)

Sitting in my back yard under the walnut tree sippin' granny's last Madeira. Humid air, sounds of the city far away. It's four in the morning. The nights are so quiet here in Hollywood. Damp and dark like the breath of a sleeping drunk.

I'm wearing my granny's 50's Vuitton dress.
Imagining how she sat in exactly the same spot back in the days. Only, her company was Frank Sinatra's brother and mine is a packet of Benson & Hedges and anxiety. Perhaps the difference is not that big.

*

Black is still missing and of course Aloysius is beside himself.
I'm workin' all evening on the speech 4 the funeral but can't keep HIM out of my head.

*

Evan.
I was 10 when my brother died. For years my memories felt like fever dreams: faces, smells, sounds and places all mixed up.

I know I spent a lot of time in our back yard. Must have been like two years altogether, but I have no idea WHAT I did there.
Until one day HE appeared in front of me. By the yellow painted fence, smoking a Lucky Strike. He was a couple of years older than me, fourteen perhaps but 2 me he looked like 25.
"I've been watching you" he said.
"Uh-hu." I mumbled.
"You don't get out much."
"My brother" I said to make him shut up and leave me alone "died last year."
"Well" he answered "I'm sure if u just feel sorry enough 4 yourself he'll come back 2 you."
Then he threw the cigarette down and walked away, whistling.
I just stood there. Sun in my face, wind in my ears, heart throbbing.
That was the first time I saw Evan, but not the last.

19 comments:

  1. it might be the fact that i fall too easily, but i already really like Evan.
    thanks for the update! :)

    XO Daisy

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  2. palms sweaty with anticipation the dull sound of the keys barely audible over the beating of my heart. your white magic has cast a spell, who am i to resist the call of an angel. dark painted lips, eyes set alight with the fire of a memory a dream a life before now. i am entranced, trapped, dizzy. your words are dancing, hushed whispers, ghosts in an empty library. a bird hitting the window silences the deafening roar of white noise. all is quiet.

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  3. Now why are there no boys like that where I live? :(

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  4. yes please! bring the SOAP OPERA on! we need a male character and a love story in this :)
    xx

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  5. Love this....the plot thickens.....

    Style Anthem.

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  6. lovely photograph... but i am so very sorry to hear of your brothers passing. So deeply sad and my heart goes out to you even now, it is so hard to lose someone so close. *giant hug*

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  7. Pneumonia,
    First I though this must be the work of some famous writer trying to move into a new expression- i mean the BLOG has theoretically been talked about for years as the new literary frontier- though no none, before you, has really had any success - then I realized the whole blog, with it's pictures, comments and integration with social media is all way too held together to be anything but the work of someone really gifted. (Also I noticed there where a lot of pictures of you at different venues downtown, spoiling my pet-idea that you where in fact some older writer).

    So I can't but agree with my friends. I think what I see here is a the first words of completely new voice, that we all will hear a lot more from, perhaps sooner than we think.

    However, If I can give you some advice from a life working with talent it is to be VERY careful and move slowly. Quit soon a lot of people will want a lot of things from you- offering you big rewards, fame and money. It is all to easy to fall for that, especially if you live in LA.

    My advice is to you to keep your anonymity and don't devalue yourself. If you must do promotion, TV and magazines, choose carefully and let your heart decide. And DON'T listen to people with money. If this continues half as good as it started, money will be the least of your issues.

    That said, enjoy the rewards that no doubt soon will be coming your way.
    Sincerely
    /James Francis (From Facebook)

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  8. He sounds like a real character! Can't wait to hear more, lovey!

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  9. cody, i don't think evan still lives in LA. but i can give you memories of a love story! X

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  10. James Francis, i don't know what to say. but THANK you!!! X

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  11. you reveal so much about yourself and your life, still, it feels like i know nothing about you. but i love you anyway

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  12. You should be a little more careful with the fashion references, for example there is no such thing as " vintage louis vuitton 50's dress ". The first time LV produced womenswear was in 1999. Nevertheless your way of writting is really unique for a blog... Can't wait for what's next...

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  13. Alexia kitsch, black told me i'm too careful and that "careful is boring". so i'm trying to b extra careless atm. next is soon! <3

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  14. I think, I've fallen in love with you. Thank you for this lovely blog, it has given me more than you know.

    - R

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  15. This is the best blog ever. There's nothing else I can say.

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  16. enna, oh, really? THANK YOU. xx

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  17. Beautiful photo, brilliant story. You are so amazing, and I enjoy reading your blog so much.

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  18. Oh! I just love your posts everyday! You are just amazing.

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